My Babysitter's a Vampire Quotes
by MusicIsMyLife22095
Summary: Some of my favorite quotes from the movie and the TV show
1. Chapter 1

Benny: "Alright. Well, let's smoke this broke down vampire. Again!"

Ethan: "Yeah!"

Sarah: "Okay, I'll set the meeting, you guys get the gear."

Ethan: "Okay. It's Jesse Takedown 2.0! And this time we know what we're doing!"

* * *

Erica: (_Coming out of the gym and into the hallway_)."Jesse, c'mon, there's a smorgasbord of freshman in there." (_Realizes that Sarah is also there with Jesse) _"Sarah, what are you doing here?"

Sarah: "What we need to do, do not try and stop us."

Jesse: "Who's 'us'?"

_(Ethan coming out of a recycle bin, and Benny coming out of a locker)_

Ethan: "The same 'us' that killed you last time."

* * *

Benny: _(Holding up a hockey stick): _"We can make a stake out of this!"

Ethan: "No, no, no, no, no! That's autographed!"

Benny: "By who?!" _(Looks at 'signature') _"Ryan Seacrest?! Really?!"

* * *

Jesse: "Don't they look delicious?"

Sarah: "You can't. Not them. I know these kids! I'm babysitting them!"

Jesse: "Well, I'm sorry, but… (_Realizes what Sarah _said) Wait. You still need a babysitter?" (_Smirking at Ethan, Benny and Rory_)

Benny: "Oh, no, no. _He_, _He_ needs a babysitter" (_Pointing at Ethan_)

* * *

Ethan: (_Holding the Cubile Animus) _"Hey! I've got your friends in a box!"

Jesse: (_Holding Sarah by the throat against a tree) _"And I've got your babysitter!

Benny: "Okay, she's really Jane's babysitter."

Jesse: "Give me the Cubile Animus! The souls must be transferred now!"

Ethan: "Sarah!"

Benny: "Just give it to him. What're we going to do with a nest of souls anyway? EBay it?"

* * *

Erica: "Where's that hairy manimal of mine? Tonight he defies his werewolf nature, and confesses his true, undying love for me."

Jane: "You're weird."

Erica: "You're short."

Jane: "I'm eight!"

* * *

Sarah: "Rory, we need you to help us figure out what Jesse is planning."

Ethan: "Uh, yeah. He's not a high school kid; he's a cult leader from over two-hundred years ago. And if-"

Rory _(Interrupts Ethan)_: "No way! Wait till I tell him!"

Ethan: "Rory, no. He already knows, okay? And it's not cool. Unless we stop him, a lot of people could die, including us."

Rory:" Whoa, stinks not being immortal."

* * *

Jesse: "You two aren't very happy to see me, I can tell."

Benny: "You bit my best friend!"

Sarah: "And you made me suck out the venom, when you knew what it would do!"

Jesse: "And I'd love to be sorry about that, but you all know I've done much, much worse."

* * *

Ethan: "The man who has the Lucifractor is related to the wizard you took down two-hundred years ago."

Jesse: "Sinistero family revenge. What a shock." (_Rolling his eyes_)

Benny: "How did you stop his super great-grandfather?"

Jesse: "He loved power, he loved to show it off. I let him wipe out most of my flock with the Lucifractor, while I snuck up behind him and drained him dry." (_Looking at Sarah_) "I told you I'd done worse."

(_Sarah hissing at Jesse, with a disdainful look._)

* * *

Grandma Weir: "You didn't conjure a troll, you conjured a toll. I had to pay five bucks just to get out of my living room."

* * *

Ethan: "And Ror, lay off the humans?"

Rory: I'll quit, I swear. Do you think they make a patch for vampires?"

* * *

Benny: "Okay, how much aftershave did you drink?"

* * *

Ethan (_running on the sidewalk_): "Ahh! Help! My babysitter's a vampire!"

* * *

Sarah _(hands cover her face)_: "Erica?"

Jesse: "I'll give you one more guess."

Sarah _(turns around really fast_): "Jesse?!" _(then pushes him away and grabs a street sign, rushing back over to where he lay on the ground, holding the sharp edge of the sign above his heart)_

Jesse: "Do it. C'mon, finish me off." _(Sarah hesitates). _"Can't do it, can ya? You're torn between two worlds. You're not one of them, not truly one of us."

Sarah: "Just shut up!"

Jesse: "You're so beautiful, and strong, but so alone. We're the same, you and I."

Sarah: "I'm nothing like you!"

Jesse: "Oh, but you are." _(looks over at the books Sarah had dropped and laughs weakly)_ "Look at you, an immortal studying for finals."

Sarah: "It's midterms." _(Jesse tries to get up, but is too weak). _"You're weak."

Jesse: "Well, you spend months disembodied underground and see how you feel." _(he tries to get up again and Sarah hisses at him)_ "I'm not here to hurt you, I have a proposal for you." _(he gets up and faces Sarah). _"In a few days when I'm strong enough, I'm leaving. There's nothing for me here, except you. Join me, we made a great couple."

Sarah: "Yeah, until you bit me. I'm not going anywhere with you."

Jesse: "In a few years, even those little dorks will leave you behind. You'll be stuck in high school for all time. You're a vampire."

Sarah: "No, I'm not."

Jesse: _(circling Sarah) _"Join me, we'll travel the world, immortal and all powerful. All it takes is one _tiny_ little human life."

Sarah: "Will you leave my friends alone?"

Jesse: "You have my word. You can have three days to think about it."

Sarah: "And how will I find you?"

Jesse: "Text me." _(he bows) _"Until next time, my fair fledgling. _(stands back up)_ "Ow." _(and is gone, leaving Sarah on __the sidewalk)._

* * *

Benny _(discovering Jesse's footprints in the dirt where the Cubile Animus had been dug up) _: Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no!

Ethan: "We are so dumb!"

Benny: "We are so dead! We're gonna die! Instead of wearing my tux for the dance it'll be to my funeral! Which means we should probably buy instead of rent."

Ethan: "Okay, we have to find Sarah."

Benny: "Oh, great. Now we're gonna die twice! First Sarah will kill us, and then Jesse will!"

Ethan: "Get a grip! Okay?"

Benny: "I'm too young to die!"

* * *

Erica _(trying to glamour )_: "Ethan, do my homework."

Ethan: "Erica, no."


	2. Chapter 2

Sarah: "That is the last time I take flying tips from you. It's like you flew into that bird on purpose!"

Rory: "I was hungry."

* * *

Benny: "That pizza place owes us big time."

Ethan: "Give it up, Benny."

Benny: "We were stood up, E. Now I have a gaping pizza-sized hole right here." _(motions to his heart)_

* * *

Benny: "I don't what know what your babysitter's done to herself, but I like it."

* * *

Erica: "I don't care how cute you are, nobody puts me in a trance."

* * *

Sarah: "I can't believe you have a date for the dance. I thought you were done with guys from our school."

Erica: "Who says he's from our school?"

_(girls walk past them, laughing)_

Sarah: "Why can't we do something fun like those girls?" _(motions to the girls that just walked past) _

Erica: "They told me they were going to the beach. For some sun. That sound like fun to you?"

Sarah: "Fine, forget I mentioned it."

* * *

Benny: "Well, hello, _Sarah_. You girls going to the dance tomorrow?"

Erica: "Not with you dorks. I'm off to the zoo, it's feeding time. _(moving past Ethan and Benny then turns around.) _Hey, are pandas still endangered?"

All: "Yes!"

Erica: "Bummer." _(blows them a kiss)_

* * *

Benny: "I don't care how dead you are, you do that again, I kill you!"

Rory: "In order to kill Vampire Ninja, you must first catch Vampire Ninja!"

* * *

Rory: "Uh…guys? Remember that locker search a couple of months back?" _(flashback to Rory flushing the alligators)._

Sarah: "You flushed live alligators?"

Rory: "I didn't mean to. _(everybody gives him a weird look) _What? They obviously survived."

Benny: "Where did you get them?"

Rory: "Uh, Florida…I thought they were iguanas. When they called the locker raid, I panicked. I thought they would be safe in there."

* * *

Sarah: "What do we do now?"

Erica: "Kill them."

Benny _(looking over at Ethan)_: "I thought you said the spell would of worn off by now!"

Sarah: "It did. Now we're just mad at you!"

* * *

Benny: "That is one freaky stump! Do you think it can hold a grudge?"

Sarah: "Why?"

Benny: "I carved my name into it. Benny loves Beth, then Kylie, Della, Erica."

* * *

Ethan: "It's simple math. Howling plus hair plus this town equals-"

Benny _(interrupting Ethan)_: "Awesome."

Ethan: "Werewolf."

Benny: "Werewolf?"

Sarah: "Not everything is supernatural. You're obsessed."

* * *

Erica: "Did you turn eleven last night? What's with the juice box?"

Sarah: "It's a new blood substitute Benny's grandma gave me. I guess she's used to packing…nerd lunches."

* * *

Rory: "I can't believe we drove to school in the Vamp Camper."

Doug Falconhawk: "I can't believe you guys had your own suits."

* * *

Benny _(starting to turn into a zombie)_: "Can I bite your head?"

* * *

Jane: "Do you think Grandma is making out with her boyfriend right now?"

* * *

Benny _(talking about demon-possessed Sarah)_: "Is it wrong that I still think she's hot?"

* * *

Jane _(calling from upstairs)_: "Ethan, where's Sarah?"

Rory: "We think she's been possessed by a ghost from the Netherlands."

* * *

Benny: "What's it doing?"

Ethan: "She's changing my status. To 'jammin with my babysitter in my Star Trek jammies!'"

Benny: "Ha, burn!"

* * *

Mr. Morgan: "So, I understand that you're the new president of the Whitechapel Justin Beiber fan club."

Ethan _(confused)_: "What?"

Mr. Morgan: "Well, Rory's parents were working the dessert table and they showed us your status update. Are you, um, sure that you want to sign up for figure skating?"

* * *

Rory: "I thought you said I was the scariest thing here!"

Benny: "Second's still pretty good!"

* * *

Anastasia: "Stop! Before you go…I want Dirk's autograph…for a friend…"

Benny: "Vampire awkward…"

* * *

Benny: "Do you girls have any bloodstone? It sounds vampirey."

Erica: "All out of bloodstone, but I can make you bleed with a rock."

* * *

Sarah: "We saved the world."

Erica: "And looked pretty amazing while doing it."

* * *

Vampire Flunky: So, listen. There's this monster party at Jesse's later, and if Sarah's not interested, maybe you'd like to hang out with us."

Sarah: "But she can't; she's babysitting!"

Erica: "No I'm not. Count me in."

Sarah: "Erica, no!"

Erica: "I am allowed to break the rules too. And he's really cute!"

* * *

Jesse: "C'mon Sarah, can't you feel it? Your body knows what it wants."

Sarah: "Lucky for me, I think with my brain."

* * *

_(Ethan, Benny and Rory trying to leave the party)_

Vampire Flunky: "Whoa, where you girls going? You're just in time for dinner."

Rory: "Sweet! What's on the menu?"

_(Benny face-palms himself)_

Ethan: "Us, Rory! The menu's us!

Rory: "Oh…"

* * *

Benny: "So she's like a… substitute babe?"


	3. Chapter 3

Erica: "Now I know how my food feels, and I don't like it!"

* * *

Ethan: "He thinks Sarah's my girlfriend!"

* * *

Coach Steiner: "C'mon Ethan, there's no 'I' in team."

Ethan: "No, but there's a 'u' in lunatic."

* * *

Benny: "She may be a lousy babysitter, but that was the bomb!"

* * *

Sarah: "Yeah, I'm a chicken. Bock, bock."

* * *

Sarah: "I've got something for both of you, and it's made of wood and really sharp."

* * *

Sarah: "A debating trophy?"

Ethan: "It's the pointiest!"

* * *

Ethan: "I never did like that tree."

Jesse _(coming out of the shadows)_: "Funny how they name streets after what they tore down to build them. This used to be an orchard; one of my favorite spots until your idiot ancestors burned my flock alive."

Ethan: "Yeah, well, I'd say their only mistake was not finishing the job."

Jesse: "You made me miss my target, so the rest of my flock may have to wait a little longer. That's fine. I still have enough Dusker souls here to resurrect a few dozen of the most powerful vampires that ever lived and you'll have the honor of being their first midnight snack."

Ethan: "Well, you won't have to wait because I'm going to reunite you with your flock right now. _(reaches into boot and pulls out dagger). _Just not in this world. Ha! Ha!" _(starts swirling the dagger around in his hand until Jesse makes it fly out of his hand and makes him kneel)_

Jesse: "It's funny, I knew your grandfather's grandfather. He was a loser too."

* * *

Benny: "My worst nightmare, a fire juggler and a way cooler version of Sarah."

Sarah: "Hey!"

* * *

Sarah: "It's not a date. It's just two friends having a-"

Erica: "A date. And it shouldn't be happening. You're not like him anymore."

Sarah: "This isn't a _Dusk _novel, and I'm not a thousand years old! Yeah, so relax." _(Sarah brushes her hair back, Erica notices the bracelet Sarah has on.)_

Erica: "Hey, whoa! Isn't that the bracelet Jesse gave you? Are you sure that's a good idea to be wearing that?"

Sarah: "That's the one nice thing I got out of that relationship. And, I backhanded him in the face with it once. _(smiling to herself) _Good times."

* * *

Sarah: "They're joining us? On our date?"

Erica: "I knew it!"

* * *

Erica: "Flower equals date."

* * *

Jesse: _(surprised when Ethan shows up) _"You're- You're here, actually here. This was just supposed to be a message."

Ethan: "What do you want?"

Jesse: "Someone's growing up. And you're with Sarah…First date?"

Ethan: "Yeah, it is. And you're interrupting. Feeling territorial?"

Jesse: "Easy tiger. This is business. Someone's looking for the Lucifractor, you have to find it."

Ethan: "What's so important about it?"

Jesse: "The Lucifractor absorbs the dark energy that keeps vampires alive. Two centuries ago, a sorcerer almost drove us out of Whitechapel with it. I dealt with him and hid it."

Ethan: "So why don't you just deal with him again?"

Jesse: "Yeah, I was kinda banished by the Council. 'undesirable element' they called me. Can you believe that?"

Ethan: "It boggles the mind."

* * *

Benny disguised as Stern: "I thought you'd be handing out detentions to the late lunchers."

Vice Principal Stern: "I met my quota yesterday."

Benny disguised as Stern _(in a dreamy voice)_: "Then you're dreaming…"

VP Stern _(mocking Benny)_: "No I'm not…"

* * *

Sarah: "Great second date. Much more speed."

* * *

Sarah: "Ya know, only some people can pull off a cape. You're not one of them."

Jesse: "Huh. Now I see the resemblance. Spitting image of old Galen Sinistero, but with a head."

Stern: "What do you know about him?"

Jesse: "I remember how his blood tasted. Even after two hundred years."

* * *

Benny: "Wow, smooth. You get a mad-hot babe here and you have to immediately go weird her out. Well done. I'm very impressed."

* * *

_(Ethan and Benny walking on the sidewalk and Benny is messing with his bag, which has different gadgets in it.)_

Ethan _(walking a little ahead turns around and looks behind him at Benny)_: "What is all that stuff?"

Benny: "Digicams with night vision infrared. You can't possibly expect us to investigate the supernatural realm without the proper equipment."

Ethan: "Fine! Just keep it on the down-low, okay? She already thinks I'm a perv."

Benny: "You said her reflection wasn't all there, right?"

Ethan: "Yeah?"

Benny: "Here's a thought: what if this is some publicity stunt thing for that stupid _Dusk _movie? _(Benny stops and looks around quickly.) _If this is a 'punk.' I knew it all along!"

* * *

Ethan _(out of breath)_: "Sometimes… I just skim your emails."

Benny: "Fair enough."

* * *

_(running down the sidewalk)_

Ethan: "We are so dead!"

Benny: "Speak for yourself! Skinny guy coming through! Warp nine!"

* * *

Mrs. Morgan _(looking at Ethan's door)_: "Were you and Benny playing lightsabers again?"

Ethan: "Yes. Heh. Yes, we were."

Mrs. Morgan: "Ethan, the next time Sarah comes here to sit, I'm going to tell her not to put up with any of this funny business. Do you understand me?"

Ethan: "Yup. Heh-heh. Sounds good to me. I blame video games."

Mrs. Morgan: "Yeah. That and the rap music."

* * *

Erica _(watching a _Dusk _interview on her phone)_: "There was so much chemistry between them on set. I mean, come on. Fourteen kissing scenes? It was just a matter of time before they became an item."

Vampire Flunky _(getting annoyed)_: "Uh-huh. Wow. I so don't care."


	4. Chapter 4

Rory: "Movie-shmovie, the Rorster needs food!"

* * *

Ethan: "You drank human blood?"

Rory: "They said if I didn't, I'd die. All the other kids were doing it!"

Benny: "Do you have any idea what you've just done to yourself?!"

Rory: "I'm immortal and all-powerful, dude. Ka-chow!"

* * *

Rory _(on video chat)_: "'An angel's nest shall seed the earth, soul for soul, the black army's rebirth. 'Neath the swallowed moon, the dead take route. The barren orchard bares the devil's fruit.' Whoa. Best. Metal. Lyrics. Ever. _(Rory trying to make the poem into a heavy metal song) _An angel's nest shall seed the earth, bum-chicka-chong-cha-chong-cha-chung. Soul for soul, the black army's rebirth, bum-chicka-chong-cha-chong-cha-chung!"

Benny: "Ugh, I hate poetry. It never makes any sense! What 'angel's nest?'

Ethan: "Shh! Cubile Animus. Nest of souls. They found it by the angel statue in the cemetery, remember?"

Benny: "Oh. 'seed the earth?'"

Ethan: "The box was buried in the ground, like a seed, I guess."

Benny: "Okay. 'the black army?'"

Ethan: "Quiet! Easy. It's Reverend Black's followers."

Benny: "Wow. So this is why you always get better marks than me in English, huh?"

Ethan: "Yeah. That, and I don't call the teacher 'fart head' to his face."

Benny: "Point taken."

* * *

Erica: "Hey, Sarah. What's wrong? You're looking a little under-fed."

Sarah: "What happened to you?"

Erica: "You know, like, the best thing ever. It's not too late. Join us. And then we can be best friends forever."

Sarah: "Never."

Jesse: "You're making the biggest mistake of your life. Well, what's left of it."

* * *

Erica: "I came in here to bite- I mean, slap her around a bit."

* * *

Erica: "Look who I bumped into," _(indicating Sarah)_

Benny: "Care for a welcome back chick?" _(Holding out the chick he had just conjured)_

Sarah: "Yeah, that'll be a yummy snack for later."

Ethan: "What?!"

Sarah: "It's a joke Ethan; I don't remember you being so serious."

Ethan: "Well, I don't remember you being so funny. But good one!"

* * *

Erica: "Oh, now that you're back, I'm supposed to give you this. It's a letter from the council."

Sarah: "The council?"

Erica: "The Vampire Council. After Jesse left the vamps are less wild, more structured, kind of lame, but the parties are totally worth it. Especially the snacks."

Sarah: "Initiation? Orientation? I'm not joining any fan club!" _(balls letter up and throws it on the ground)_

Stern: "Stop it right there, young lady."

Sarah: "Excuse me, who are you?"

Stern: "Your new vice principal, Mr. Stern, and you may call me sir. And you are a young miss who doesn't think twice about littering our hallways."

Sarah: "Alright, I'll think twice about it. _('thinks' about it) _There, are we done? Good."

Stern: "Not so fast. Not until you make a deposit in the nearest trash can."

Sarah: "Whatever you say." _(Sticks Stern head first into the trash can)._

Erica: "No!"

Sarah: "I don't know what happened! I got angry and then I couldn't stop it!"

Erica: "Duh! Vampire urges are so much stronger than fledgling urges!"

_(Erica speeds off, coming back seconds later with a confused Benny. Stern pulls himself out of the trashcan, looking angrily at Sarah)_

Stern: "Young lady, you are not only expelled, you should be arrested!"

Erica: "Benny, do that brainwash spell."

Benny: "Alright. Oh, um…Oblivomamnath Obliviarti Kaput!"

Stern: "I am-you-. What are you kids staring at? Get back to class! Now!"

* * *

Sarah: "It's Dusk day at WC High…In honor of Erica's new pet movie star."

* * *

Erica: "The sun is turning my skin into human fondue!"

* * *

Erica: "Who's the fashion fail in the moo-moo?"

Ethan: "I know, right? Ms. Lucia is subbing for Mr. G. She's so nice."

Erica: "Right…Hey, do you still have any of those wooden stake darts?"

Ethan: "You mean pencils? Yeah, why?"

Sarah: "Some vampire jerk stood her up and she wants to make a point by-"

Lucia: "All warriors must get to work, the hour of judgment approaches."

Sarah: "Where are all the girl warriors?"

Lucia: "Banished. Maidens have no use but to serve their queen when the hour is at hand." _(Lucia slams the door in Sarah and Erica's faces)_

Sarah: "Well, that was weird."

Erica: "Makes me want to turn that sub…into a sandwich."

* * *

Erica: "Hot teacher, frozen brain. Done!"

Ethan: "My brain is not frozen, I just…_(Lucia walks by) _Have to find…uh, frog hearts…yeah."

Erica: "Am I nuts? Or did we just get blown off by nerds?"

* * *

Sarah: "By saying 'no offense,' doesn't make it any less mean."

* * *

Grandma Weir: "I'm glad you called me."

Sarah: "I figured we needed to come up with a plan like Ethan and Benny would."

Erica: "Then give up, call you, like Ethan and Benny would."

* * *

Sarah _(reading out of a book)_: "Prophets say one day the queen will make an offering so pleasing the sun king will return to earth in an explosion of light that will end the mortal world."

Erica: "At least I won't have to finish that essay. Yay!"

* * *

Erica: "Nice, get another reason for girls to avoid you."

* * *

Benny: "Can I ask you guys a question? Do girls have like more earwax than guys? Is it a puberty thing?"

Sarah: "Do guys have fewer brain cells? Or is it a Benny thing?"

* * *

_(Benny holding an ax )_

Ethan: "Where did you get that?"

Benny: "Janitor's closet. Always upgrade before boss level."

* * *

Doug Falconhawk: "I've been tracking a vampire princess? Hmm, I thought vampire royalty would be better dressed."

Sarah: "I heard that you jerk!"

* * *

Benny: "I can't talk right now. Everything I ever believed in was…was a wig."

* * *

Sarah: "Hey! That's my spot!"

Benny: "What? I always sit beside Ethan on movie night. Oh, I get it…you two want to…canoodle."

Sarah: "No, we don't"

Ethan: "As if. Canoodling is the absolute last thing I would want to do. _(Sarah gives him a look) _Well, you know, not like…the last thing in the world…"

* * *

Ethan: "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Rory: "The ghost that escaped from the séance board…"

Ethan: "Found a body it liked."

Benny: "Can't say I blame it. You got to admit, she looks like a lot more fun."


	5. Chapter 5

Rory: "Can I make a mummy for extra credit?"

Mr. G: "That wouldn't be encouraged."

Rory _(to Ethan and Benny)_: "Yes! That was not a no!"

* * *

Sarah: "Why are all hot guys such jerks?!"

* * *

Erica: "Hey Ethan, heard you were having 'mummy' issues. Hang in there."

* * *

Benny: "I can't believe he stole my clothes. Who does that?"

Ethan: "You stole the guy's pancreas."

Benny: "It's not like he was using it."

* * *

Hottie: "Can I see you tonight?"

Sarah: "Okay. Oh, but I might have to babysit."

Hottie: "Sit? On a baby? Most strange."

* * *

Rory: "Vampire down! Needs assistance!"

* * *

Rory: "Smelly green mist? Did Ethan's mom make tacos again?"

* * *

Sarah: "Did you guys do what I think you guys did?"

Ethan: "Raise dead animals from the grave to get a girl's attention?"

Sarah: "Unbelievable."

* * *

Sarah: "Cheerleaders are not normal. They're more evil than us and we're vampires.

Erica: Sarah, you know I've always wanted to be a cheerleader and now that I'm really hot, I can. Besides, these girls have been telling me to 'bite them' for years." _(Erica bares her fangs and winks) _

Sarah: "Yeah. I don't think that's what they had in mind."

Erica: "Oh, c'mon. Who's gonna miss just one?"

* * *

Erica: "Sarah, you've got to stop hanging out with them. You're turning into the same person. Next thing you know, you'll be reading comic books and snorting when you laugh."

* * *

Grandma Weir: "The more those girls loved you, the more they're gonna hate you. Now, how strong was the potion?"

Ethan: "Well, Sarah bought us matching cardigans."

Grandma Weir: "Yep, you're toast."

* * *

Rory: "My parents won't let me download at home. They think the internet is a bad influence."

Benny: "You're already a soulless, undead creature of the night. How much worse can you get?"

Rory: "Dude! If my mom knew I was a vampire, I'd be grounded for like a month."

* * *

David _(after tackling Ethan): _"Sorry, bud. I see a ball, I go for it."

Ethan: "I'm fine. Nothing a hospital can't fix."

Erica _(waving)_: "David! David!"

David: "Okay. This chick is seriously crazy. What's her deal?"

Ethan: "We may never figure that one out. If I were you, I'd run."

Erica _(chasing after a running David)_: "I want a love tackle! David! I love you!

* * *

Ethan: "Benny, I just had a vision. The coffee from Lotta Latté, that's what's making this happen."

Benny: "Lotta Latté? Figures. You'd have to be brain-dead to pay five bucks a cup for flavored bean juice."

* * *

Benny: "I'm warning you, I had garlic bread for lunch and I'm not afraid to use my breath!"

* * *

Debby: "I'm Debby Dazzle, what's your name?"

Rory: "Rory or Rorster, R money, R dawg, Rorinator, Rormaster. Or Batman!"

* * *

Ethan _(singing in the shower)_: "I'm so clean , do you know what I mean? My friends are kinda freaky, that doesn't bother me!"

* * *

Sarah: "Whatever you saw, it's not what it looks like."

Ethan: "You're a freaking vampire who kills animals and drinks their blood!"

Sarah: "Okay, so it is kind of what it looks like…"

* * *

Sarah: "You said I could choose, Jesse. You said it was up to me!"

Jesse: "It is. But, hey, some decisions need a little push."

_(Jesse grabs Sarah, exposing his fangs, but she slaps him across the face.)_

* * *

Jesse: "Why fight it Sarah? You're the one who said you liked vampires."

Sarah: "I never said I wanted to be one!"

* * *

Benny: "That girl was a total butter-ears."

Ethan: "What?"

Benny: "Well, I liked everything…but her ears."

Ethan: "Wow. How are you still dateless?"

Benny: "Ha, ha. I don't…know."

* * *

Benny: "The guy's alive for one day and he's already got more chicks than you."

* * *

Erica: "Hello, my hairy soulmate."

David: "Goodbye, my crazy stalker girl."


	6. Chapter 6

Ethan: "She said yes!"

Benny: "And I never doubted you ever!"

Rory: "Me neither! And I'm not lying like Benny!"

* * *

Benny: "If my experience with girls has taught me anything, it's just 'walk away and ignore it.' It's what they do to me."

* * *

Benny: "Just hurry, I do not want to be in geography class alone."

Ethan: "You're almost remembering where Switzerland is."

Benny: "I'm getting close, right?"

Ethan: "Yeah. You're not pointing to the blue parts of the map anymore."

* * *

Ethan: "Everybody's dead, Benny. I see them - they're all dead."

Benny: "Relax, dude. First, um, you see dead people?" _(Benny laughs)_

* * *

Benny's Grandma: "Sarah's the one you want to protect the most."

Benny _(pointing to himself)_: "But I'm his best friend!"

* * *

Rory: "Vice Principal Stern is lucifracting everyone!"

Erica: "Vice Principal Stern?! I've wanted to de-spine him ever since he shut down the school's _Dusk _club."

* * *

Mr. G. : "I hope that some of these native artifacts are going to inspire some culturally diverse costume choices this Halloween."

Benny _(to Ethan)_: "All it's inspiring for me is a nap."

Rory: "Oh, I miss naps. The dreaming, the snoring, the drooling…"

Ethan: "Since when did you give up drooling?"

* * *

Sarah: "First of all: GROSS! And second of all…ew!"

* * *

Rory: "Erica, let's go! We have to watch Sarah so she doesn't dig-dig, munch-munch, yum-yum."

Sarah: "Subtle."

* * *

Erica: "So, what's your secret?"

Serena: "I only rinse out half of the conditioner."

Erica: "No. Not your hair. Wait, does that work? Nevermind. How did you get two guys to fight over you?"

Serena: "I sang to them. They felt my pain. I need everyone to feel my pain."

Erica: "How do I do that?"

Serena: "With a talent you'll never have."

* * *

Rory: "I felt like I was in a trance, but I forgot the song as soon as it was over."

Ethan: "Maybe she's Justin Bieber." _(fist punches Rory)_

Benny: "Maybe she's a mermaid."

Ethan: "The Bieber joke was funnier."

* * *

Ethan _(Pours a bowl of cereal then goes to the fridge and pulls out the milk. When he pours the milk, the milk has_ soured.):"Mom! Milk's gone bad! Mom? Dad?" _(looks at the cereal, slightly disgusted) _"Jane, I made you cereal! Jane?"

* * *

(_Everyone's in their own alternate universes)_

Sarah: "Benny, did you do this?"

Ethan: "Benny? Did you read a spell backwards again?"

Benny: "Did I do this? This feels like something I did."

* * *

Sarah: "Hottie is so sweet. We're really hitting it off."

Ethan: "Really? I didn't notice."

Sarah: "I'm just afraid to tell him I'm a vampire. I mean, who wants to date some freaky undead creature?"

Benny _(chuckles)_: "You know, I think he'd be cool with that."

* * *

Pharaoh Guard 1: "Halt! None my disrupt Hottie Ho-Tep's journey to the underworld!"

Pharaoh Guard 2: "Especially Sarah's male friend who cannot take a hint!"

* * *

Ethan: "Sarah, where are you?"

Sarah: "Where are _you_? There's no one in this town anywhere. Except for my evil twin who's hunting me."

Benny: "At least your problem is hot!"

* * *

Sarah: "I should just go out there and-"

Benny: "And do what? Get roughed up by yourself?"

Sarah: "Hey, you can't even magic yourself out of a dentist appointment!"

Ethan: "Guys, this isn't helping!"

Benny: "Well, why don't you go out there and touch Hoodie McFirehands and get a vision?"

Ethan: "Spoiler alert: he'll cook me."

* * *

Rory's mom: "Yeah! Pop and lock, honey!"

* * *

Sarah: "Oh, hey Rory."

Rory: "Hey, Sarah!"

Sarah: "Can I help you?"

Rory: "No."

Sarah: "Then why are you following me?"

Rory: "Oh, the council told me to make sure you don't sink your fangs into anymore dead dudes."

Sarah: "But you know I never did that! You were there!"

Rory: "Yeah, but the council hates it when I argue. Or talk. And this way, we get to spend two days together!"

Sarah: "Ugh, stake me now."

* * *

Rory: "Way to take down that…"

Erica: "Elderly disabled man."

Grave Robber: "Ugh, my arthritis."

Sarah: "Come on, he's a grave robber!"

Grave Robber: "I only collect spare parts. Not like they're using them."

Sarah: "And you're using them WHY?"

Grave Robber: "For hockey."

Erica: "That sport is a lot weirder than I thought."

* * *

Sarah _(turned into Rochelle by Rory in the mask)_: "Jakeward! Help!"

Ethan _(appears at the top of the stairs)_: "Rochelle! Nobody hugs my girl's head!"

* * *

Rory: "Go on your date, dude. The two of us make almost a full Ethan."

Benny: "Yeah…what?"

* * *

Ethan: "Why am I so much smoother in my dreams?"

* * *

Rory: "Ethan's mom, Ethan hit me!"

* * *

Benny: "Here comes the bill, hotshot. _(fake british accent)_. There you are, sir. _(back to regular voice). _What do you do?"

Ethan: "Don't make a big deal about how maybe your soup wasn't worth seven dollars?"


	7. Chapter 7

Ethan: "No way, I'm not a drama nerd. I'm a real nerd."

Benny: "Sarah's in it."

Ethan: "I'm a drama nerd."

* * *

_(Ethan breaking the mirror)_

Benny: "What're you doing?! That's seven years bad luck!"

Ethan: "Well, I guess I'll have to shower with your Grandma's special soap again."

* * *

Ethan's Mom: "I don't understand why all these shows nowadays have to have vampires in them."

* * *

_(Rory painting Ms. LOL's face.)_

Rory: "Pranksy is revealed!"

Ms. LOL: "Pranksy? I love him! Rory, you've got three weeks detention."

* * *

Tornado Twin # 2 _(slightly mocking)_: "I'm Ethan, I need a babysitter."

* * *

Ethan: "So you'll let me babysit her kids?"

Ethan's Mom: "Well, I thought that maybe you deserve a second shot. _(Ethan doesn't look convinced)_ That's okay; I'll call Sarah for backup."

* * *

Ethan: "If Harry Potter were here, he'd smack you around."

* * *

Ethan: "So, Stephanie doesn't just act like a witch…"

Benny: "She is one."

* * *

_(Sarah and Erica under the influence of the love potion)_

Erica _(to Benny_): "Hey there, handsome."

Benny: "You're talking to me…in school."

Erica: "There's other things I like to do in school."

Benny: "Huh?"

_(Erica grabs Benny by his collar and kisses him. Ethan stares at them with his mouth open)_

Sarah: "Ethan! Stop paying attention to Erica! _(points to herself)_ You're gonna make your girlfriend jealous."

* * *

Evil Hannah: "Are you one of us or just naturally crabby?"

* * *

Erica: "In fangs we trust. All others pay cash."

* * *

Rory: "You're being babysat by a Dusker. Diehard fans of Dusk are so lame."

Ethan: "Yeah, you should talk. You still sleep with Starship Enterprise jammies."

Rory: "Dusk is based on fairytale creatures; Star Trek is based on actual physics!"

Benny: "True…but, hey, if fairytales is what it takes to nab my future wife, then, once a upon a time, I'm in!"

* * *

Benny: "I am so coming to your house tonight."

Ethan: "Great…the more mathletes, the merrier."

Rory: "Can I come?"

Ethan and Benny: "No."

* * *

Sarah (_Coming up behind the boys): _"What's your problem?"

Ethan: "Just hold on! If you eat us, that would so not be cool."

Sarah: "If I wanted to eat you, I would have done it by now."

Benny: "See? She's going to eat us! We're doomed!"

* * *

Benny ( _Taking the pizza box from the pizza guy_): "Sorry, dude, but I am just dying for a bite."

Pizza Dude _(Vamping out)_: "So am I."

_(Ethan and Benny look up and scream)_

Jane: "Ethan!"

Ethan: "Jane…it's okay, he's just playing a game, you know?"

Pizza Dude: "Yeah, a game. Whoever tells me where Sarah is first spends less time screaming."

_(Jane screams and Sarah appears)_

Sarah: "Can I play too?"

Ethan and Benny: "Yes!"

* * *

Rory: "Ethan, get up. The council wants to see you. They said they have a job for you."

Ethan: "You can tell the Vampire Council that they'll have to wait. Today, I am a man."

Rory: "Ah, you're usin' the stove all by yourself?"

* * *

Ethan: "There's something not right about that drama club."

**Please continue to read and review :)**

**P.S., If you haven't already, you should read my The New Girl series. It starts with The New Girl, then My Almost Ending, then Wedding in Whitechapel and The Struggle**


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